Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
