onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
