Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
