It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
