porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
