East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
