Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Oh god it's open bar.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
