Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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