I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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