32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
