i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
