she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
