I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
