Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We just shotgunned beers for America
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
