The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
