I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
