Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
