Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
