It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i will never coherently bang her
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
