wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
