I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
