Duck Duck Cougar?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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