Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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