Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
