so let's talk penis.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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