GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
