Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
