3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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