Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My vagina just recognized that song.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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