I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you would pick up someone in the library
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
