oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
