I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
