Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
