hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
