Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
