you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
