I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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