and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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