is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
