Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
