xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
