Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
