first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
