he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
