I've blown a few things in my day
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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