dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My dick has a subreddit
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
