its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
