It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
