it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
