Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
