it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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